Why is the covert narcissist actively avoiding me when they see me everyday?
08.06.2025 17:14
not only are narcissists lazy (they want you to do all the work in the relationship), but they love to avoid and basically can be very cowardly, passive aggressive or just flat out antagonistic.
very sorry, from idealized to devalue. Most likely off chasing and securing new supply. Check their phone, lap top, ipad and your most likely going to find what we all did.
its a very challenging place to be. We all get it. Its quicksand and no you cant fix or heal them. Its a chonic illness. Its a personality disorder that is self destructive. Its a cluster of symptoms , behaviours and traits. It is difficult to fathom why a grown adult is chosing to avoid you and become cold, emotionally distant. No they arent interested in the relationship because all npd relationships have an expirey date and shelf life. Its not going to get better.
just know your seeing the true colors of this person. If this person is narcissistic or has high traits of narcissism then im sure you have come to realize things in oz now are changing , only your brain is starting to connect the dots. Too many little things are popping up. Dont ignore it or try to bargain or fix. Accept your narc is driving the bus and you have to start taking care of you.
the name of the game is to be in control, hide their shame and brokenness, they dont want you to know they snapped in early childhood due to parental abuse neglect, abandonment , genetics, environment etc. So from there , going forward you are dealing with a emotionally stunted toddler who basically has no idea how to adult.
the avoidance is part n parcel
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your job is to study this because knowledge is going to be what will help make things clear. Dr ramani is the top expert with fantastic videos , podcasts and books. Her youtube videos are free.
Ild say avoidance is just the tip of the ice berg. Im sure more has been going on that is off but at this point, like i said its time to start researching personality disorders and cluster b.
porn, dating cites, affairs, even escort services , all sorts of nastiness hidden from you.
The narc once saw you as perfect, secured, love bombed you , groomed you, and due to their illness they cannot maintain or sustain healthy and reciprocal relationships.
every narc relationship can only function in its dysfunction of power and control. Without the power and control imbalance they become bored, irritated, spiteful , angry, and do all sorts of mind games. When you are devalued the narc has to figure out now do they turf you physically or just emotionally. They may stay in the relationship to play, they may stay because they have something they can still exploit and use. Many make it so hard you leave or they will eventually ghost or discard you
Im very sorry your experiencing this. Your not alone. Ild suggest singles therapy/councelling really helps.
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sure your love life, romance, cuddling, being intimate has shifted as well
your most likely going to recieve the silent treatment and moments of total avoidance. Its actually not only avoidance but more specifically control.
besides being devalued sadly you are feeling the shift and im
Avoid is the key word.
im
avoiding you is just the easy way out. You will now be frozen in a point of time where you either captulate to them, or fight them, fight for the imploding relationship, and either continue these cycles or you can understand the illness and do work on you.
How can we become the best humans? How can we trust each other?
Now add to that maladadaptive coping skills and up to this point they have learned how to live in an insulated bubble of grandiosity , entitlement and self centeredness. Hence why they act like petulant children and take a torch to their life and yours.